Stand in the Rain
by alizabethianrose
Summary: Punk's world shatters around him, seeking shelter he finds it in a unusual place. Just when he is starting to feel okay again the past comes back to fight for him, and secrets long hidden are exposed. Who will he end up with at the end of the day, that is if he survives. Slash Cena/Punk/Colt
1. Chapter 1

**I own no one, they own themselves! This is slash if you don't like please don't read. Trigger warnings (eating disorder) in this story please don't read if you feel it will effect you negatively. Please remember to review!**

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><p>Prologue<p>

It's not you, it's me the classic break up line that I will never forget. We had been together since the moment we met at the domain, Colt and Punk, Punk and Colt inseparable until I was blindsided by my best friend. He gave me reasons, he is holding me back, we are never together, and we are moving in different directions, he loves me but we can't be together at the moment maybe in the future when I've found a balance. I should have seen it coming, should have known, yet I trusted him more than anyone I know, believed together we could conquer anything, time, distance, my tendency to focus all my energy and lose track of other important factors in my life, my insecurities, my jealousy, hell my fucking issues we could get past all of it together. Instead he walked away, left me with no way to pick up the fucking pieces because honestly he is my world.

I sit on my couch watching him separating our life's, items going into boxes and I think with each piece my heart fractures a little more. "What do you want from me?" I hear him sigh as he places another photo frame into the cardboard.

"Nothing Punk, I want us to be friends. I want us to try to get back to what we were before we started dating." I want him to turn to look at me, to face me instead I talk to the back of his head.

"We were never friends Colt, we started dating the moment we met. Hell you kissed me on day two. So how do we go back to something that never fucking existed? Why the hell are you doing this?" He finally turns and I hate the look on his face, almost as if he is pitying me, like he is explaining to a child that the Easter bunny isn't real.

"We could be amazing friends Punk, in fact we will be. I have to do this Punk, I'm too wrapped up in you, I've lost a piece of myself I need to find. I can't keep loving you when you won't love yourself. You'll be fine, you'll be stronger without me." I scoff at him and walk into the kitchen. I force myself not to let the tears fall instead I grab my headphones determined not to be here when he actually leaves. If I don't see him go maybe I can convince myself he is just at another show and we aren't apart. I walk out of the house and start running, hoping he will change his mind and be there when I get back.

I stay out late, long past my normal return time. I push my body to the edge of collapsing and I know he is gone before I even return to the apartment. He didn't call worried that I was out so long, telling me to come home. The silence in the apartment greats me, I take a deep breath and try to hold the pain at bay. I still don't understand any of this, I need to call someone ask them if they saw this coming because I sure as hell didn't. I see the pile of mail on the table I had thrown there earlier, I grab it scanning through anything to keep my mind off the reality of the moment. I sigh and toss one of the letters towards the trash. Since joining the WWE I've had some interesting fan letters but this one person is very intent on creeping me the hell out. Letters come every week, some threatening, some sexual in nature, some demanding. I've stopped reading them at this point throwing them out as soon as I recognize the envelope.

When the mail is sorted and I cannot avoid the silence any longer I head to the bedroom, seeing the empty dresser, the hangers, the bed side table void of his items it hits me hard. I sink onto the bed clutching his pillow to my chest. It still smells like him and I breathe him in, allowing the tears to finally fall.

My sisters come by, Ace, Hero, Joe all show up to offer their support to try to pry me out of my apartment. I ignore every one of them, lying in bed hoping he comes back. I take as much time as I can off, until I have no choice but to leave the apartment and head to some hotel in a faraway city. Days blur together, nothing makes sense in my head, Colt tries sending me a few friendly texts until I block him from my phone. He's hurt me, betrayed me, and if he knows me at all then he knows I won't forgive him, it's not in my DNA. Weeks turn to months and I know I am just barely putting out any effort, sleeping more than I ever have, I lose weight, weight I probably couldn't afford to lose. I think I may be slipping back into an old and dangerous pattern. The ring the only place I force myself to act alive. Backstage there are even whispers that I'm addicted to drugs, it would explain the rapid mood swings, the depression, the fact that I look like hell. I almost wish it was that simple.

Few people in the WWE know what is going on, Kofi, Paul, and Amy all know how lost I really am and why. Its four months after the break up that Ace calls me, I reluctantly answer the phone not wanting another lecture or worse a shoulder to cry on. "Hey Ace."

"Punk just the man I wanted to talk to!"

"Well no shit, you called me Ace. What's going on?" I wonder briefly if he is drunk he seems overly happy.

"I am having a party this weekend on Saturday and since I already know you are going to be home I want you there. All my friends are going to be there, I have an announcement." I take a deep breath not really sure I am up for a party of any type.

"Who exactly is going to be there?"

"Everyone, the whole crew." I cringe and shake my head having no plans to attend.

"Sorry Ace I'm busy I have an appearance. Plus everyone includes Colt right?" I hear his huff and wait for him to try to convince me.

"You are not busy I have checked with everyone who plans your shit, yes Colt is going to be here and so are you. I don't know what the hell is going on but you are both miserable without each other. So fix it, I don't know how but fix it. Bring a friend or hell a date then at least one of you is moving on. Honestly I have no clue what to do with the two of you! He left so why is he almost worse then you are?" I am slightly intrigued by all of this, Colt's miserable maybe I should go and see it with my own eyes.

"Fine I'll be there, what's this announcement about anyways?"

"Not telling, I'll see you Saturday." Hanging up the phone I sigh and rub at my neck wondering what the hell I agreed too and also who I should take I am not showing up without a date. I try to talk Kofi into going with me, he declines and really I feel like I am out of options. I think long and hard about this, trying to figure out who might say yes, and who the hell would annoy Colt the most. I sit back stage at the house show examining the choices around me. Triple H is out, I would never go there for so many reasons. Undertaker could work but Colt loves him so no. Orton could be an option after all Colt thinks he is a douche but so do I, and spending a whole night with the man makes my skin crawl. I could call Joe he'd probably set me up with someone, but most likely then I would have to spend the night warding of groping hands. I need a gentlemen, a guy not into one night stands, a guy who is a boy scout won't even go in for the end of date kiss. My eyes settle on the bright red of his shirt and I can't help but think how perfect he is for the part. "Fruity pebbles" I call out and watch as John turns towards me, he smiles as I wave him over.

"Punk how are you doing?" He seems concerned and I want to push that aside.

"I've been better, hell I'm not sure I've been much worse which is why I need a favor from you." He pulls his hat from his head stepping closer.

"What's going on Punk, do you need help? A favor sure what is it?" I take a deep breath again someone buying into the potential drug story.

"I'm going through a break up, no drugs, no drinking still very much straight edge. Now what I need is for you to go out with me on Saturday, to a friend's party in Chicago, as my date." No reason to sugar coat it. I see him give me an odd look and then he is pulling out his phone, I wonder what the hell he is doing but he holds up a finger.

"Okay so Saturday, hmm I can move some stuff around so sure why not. Let me just mark it down in my calendar. Chicago, I'll need to book a flight, hotel room, should I rent a car? What time should I pick you up? There we go all set." I think I am blinking at him, that may be the most rambling I've ever heard from the man and I think it may be because I threw him for a loop.

"I'm flying out Friday I could call and get you a seat on my flight. You could stay in my guest room if you wanted, or there is a hotel up the street from my place. I don't think we need a car we can take the train. Six, six would be good." There I think I answered all of his questions.

"Okay so you'll book the flight, I'll stay at your place and we will leave at six. Sure alright, anything else?" I shake my head, unsure what is even happening at this point. "Great text me the flight details, got to go rearrange some stuff. See ya later Punk." I slightly wonder what I've done, what the hell I've gotten myself into. I make his flight arrangement and consider cancelling but I know he is perfect. Cena has always annoyed Colt, he finds him fake, too nice, too generous, and much too like Colt himself. Colt hates him and just maybe I can get his attention if I show up with him. I text John the information and then I wait, wait for Saturday, wait to see Colt again, wait for my heart to start mending.

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><p>Thank you for reading, please, please, please review!<p> 


	2. Comfortably Numb

Seeing John Cena coming down my hallway with a towel wrapped around his waist seems surreal. I briefly wonder is I stepped into an alternate dimension before I remember that I asked him here. That he is staying in my guest room at my insistence, alls because I want to make Colt jealous, show him that I am moving on and fine without him. Despite the fact that I am anything but good I cannot have Colt know that.

John approaches me a smile on his lips, it's gentle and I feel myself slightly relax. It's odd I've not allowed anyone to stay in my home since Colt left but having John here is almost comforting. "Hey I'll be ready to go in a few minutes, it's still early why don't we go grab some dinner before heading to the party?"

"I'm not really hungry John, but we could go get you something." I see the corner of his lips descend into a slight frown before he quickly recovers.

"You Punk have not eaten all day, are you nervous to show me off to your friends?" I laugh slightly and shake my head, not nervous to have my friends meet fruity peddles more like Colt. My friends will accept him because I like him. There will be questions but nothing out of the ordinary for a guy like myself showing up with a guy like John. "Okay so that's not it, then we are going out to eat and no ordering a salad like some chick afraid to eat on the first date. You are getting far too skinny Punk, soon I am going to be afraid to throw you around the ring." I stare down at the floor before nodding my agreement. I know the pattern is returning, life choices that are scary and were under control for so long. Under control because Colt made me go away to a treatment center, made me get help. He kept me on the path of sanity and now without him staying healthy doesn't seem like a priority for me.

We sit at dinner, a small diner not far from my house and I wonder what people would think if a fan snapped a picture right now. Two friends having casual conversation or something more. I stare at the food on my plate as John holds the conversation, dragging answer from my mouth. The part of the burger I had already eaten sits like led in my stomach, at first my body had been overjoyed at the idea of food now it seemed to be protesting what I placed in it. I needed to get my mind off of the small discomfort I was currently feeling. "We should set ground rules for tonight." I blurt this out needing desperately to find a distraction. John seems startled from his one-sided conversation but once again gives me that gentle smile.

"What kind of ground rules? Do your friends not know about your life style? Should we act like this is not a date?" I laugh and shake my head at him.

"Please I've been out since I figured out who I was. I mean more of first date with a co-worker this could go completely wrong and awkward if someone crosses the line." He pauses to think and then cocks his head, I am extremely grateful that at the moment he looks nothing like the John Cena I'm used to. No flashy colors, no jorts, hell he actually owns pants that go to his feet. The button down shirt and dark jeans actually compliment him well, when he is not looking like some character from a cartoon the man is actually quite handsome.

"Just tell me your boundaries Punk, I really have none I go with the flow." It seems instantly weird that the punk kid has limits and the all American guy is just going with the damn flow. I may need to reevaluate my life.

"Holding hands, touching, that's okay. I have a belief system as you know, so no sex is going to happen tonight or until the time comes I feel like this is a committed relationship." Okay so that time is never going to happen, I just need to make sure he knows tonight is not going to end with him in my bed instead of the guest room.

"I'm fine with all of that Punk, I don't expect everyone to put out on the first date. It takes the challenge of romancing someone away. It's much better if we take our time and enjoy the start. What about kissing any rules for that?" This man slightly confuses me, it's not like he has a reputation as a player but I just assumed he could get anyone he wants and probably does. Which begs the question why in the hell is he here with me, and why did he drop everything to make this happen.

"No, I don't have rules to kissing, if it happens then it does a first kiss should be natural right." I see his eyes flicker down to my lips and I can't help but bite at my lip ring. It's a nervous habit but seems to cause Cena's pupils to widen and I think he may want to kiss me right here. Instead he pushes back his chair and stands, coming around the table he pulls out my chair for me as I get to my feet.

"We should head to your friends, it's getting late and I want to show you off." I glance at my phone and realize that we've been here for a few hours, that we are late to Ace's party, I wonder if we've missed his big announcement. I think I may be a terrible date as well, so distracted in my own head, I try to shake off all the negative thoughts and give John my undivided attention as we make our way to the train.

When we arrive at the party no one seems to notice at first, John takes my coat and I watch as he hangs it up. As the seconds ticked by I feel the eyes on us, notice the lowering of the volume in the room as people see John. He turns towards me and I see that odd smile again, the one that almost feels like it's giving me butterflies. He reached out his hand stroking along my arm. "It seems we are the center of everyone's attention at the moment. Are you okay?" I remind myself these people are my friends, people I care about, and who care about me. They are just curious, I haven't seem most of them since the breakup.

"I'm good John." I grab his hand in mine lacing our fingers together as I turn to the party. Ace's booming voice calls my name and I lead John across the room to one of my oldest and dearest friends. "Hey Ace" I give him a one arm hug not letting go of Cena's hand. I had not expected to be the one to initiate contact but now that I have it seems to ground me, his strength is evident in the hold he has on my hand and it's beyond comforting. "Did I miss your big announcement?" He shakes his head and I see his eyes glance over my shoulder, I immediately know he is looking at Colt the way he glances back and forth between the two of us.

"No, I haven't made it yet, waiting for you to show. So you brought a friend?" He looks to Cena and I think to make a point my hand is let go of, but the arm snakes its way around my waist drawing me in close to his side.

"John Cena" he holds his free hand out to Ace and for a moment it seems like I am introducing my date to my dad. Ace stares at John's hand, before looking him up and down. I almost swear what are your intentions to Punk question is on his lips. He finally shakes John's hand and I can see they are going to be having a conversation if I let John out of my sight for a minute. I feel him behind me before he speaks, almost as if the pull we had for each other hadn't been severed by the man I still love with all of my heart. I force my feet to turn away from Ace, John follows my turn with his body and for that I'm grateful. I don't honestly think I could face Colt if John wasn't keeping me at his side.

"Colt" I force out through my suddenly dry lips. He stands there baseball cap on, his hands stuffed into his pockets. I can just make out the dark circles under his eyes and the fact he has lost weight. I wonder why he looks so down but shrug it off, not my concern anymore I remind myself. "How are you? Have you met John?" I swear the tension in this room has expand greatly and more people are staring. What do they think is going to happen I wonder, should we break down into tears and get back together, or should we start swinging at each other. I hope to disappoint everyone but nothing like that is going to occur, Colt doesn't want me back and I'm not going to start a brawl with him anytime soon. My plan is to escape this conversation quickly and hear what Ace feels like telling everybody then escape with John back to my place.

John apparently feels the tension and he slides behind me, his hands rest on my waist and I see Colt glance down at them, something odd appears in his eyes but before I can figure out what it is, it is gone. "I'm good Punk, how are you doing?" I want to look around figure out who he brought, who is his date for the evening so I can avoided them like the plague.

"I'm fine, have you met John before I can't remember." I actually know they've met a few times at shows and when Colt was with the WWE. Colt glances at John and I see a forced smile grace his face, the ease that I usually find is gone.

"We've met Punk, could live without ever seeing him again though." Apparently Colt is not going to pretend to be nice. "Are you two together now?" It's almost spit at me and I know my eyes widen as it dawns on me that Colt is jealous. That this work just the way I wanted, but for some fucking reason I feel guilty and want to correct the misconception quickly.

"Really Colton my relationship with Punk is none of your business, or quite frankly anyone's business. It's been a pleasuring seeing you again but Punk and I just arrived and I am sure there are other people he would like to speak to. So if you'll excuse us, again lovely to see you. I almost want to giggle at the sweetness in john's tone, I don't think I've ever heard him be so diplomatic in the face of something that is making him just as uncomfortable as I am. I should protest stick around and tell Colt the truth instead I allow John to pull me away. His hand on my lower back guiding me swiftly across the room.

I wonder if Ace is ever going to tell us why he dragged all of us here, it's getting later and I've talked with everyone. No one was openly hostile to john beside Colt in fact most of my friends seem fascinated by his presence here. John is off getting another drink for himself and a Pepsi for me, I see Ace approach him and I figure it's time for the talk. Ace is rather protective. I see them disappear out to the balcony and almost follow but within a moment Colt is in front of me again. I sigh and lean back against the counter hoping this can just be pleasant. "Why would you bring him here?" I ignore the question raising an eyebrow really John is right it's none of his business he walked away from me. 'Nobody likes him, why would you fucking show up with him Phil?" Oh first name basis he must mean business.

"First off Scott you don't get to call me Phil any longer. Secondly it is none of your business, and lastly the only one who seems to have a problem with John being here is you. Way to be nice." I'm trying to keep my voice low, last thing I need is to end up in a screaming match in front of everyone.

"Bullshit, I have the right to call you Phil for eternity. Everyone is just being fucking polite, talking behind your back." I shrug that really doesn't bother me. "You look like fucking shit, have you been talking to your therapist?" That is so far from his business now that I laugh in his face.

"Fuck off, you've earned nothing besides never having my trust again. How I look is none of your fucking business. My life, and my therapy is none of your concern any longer. You wanted out, you are out so leave me the fuck alone. Fucking asshole." I go to walk away and he grabs my wrist holding it tightly I see him stare and know he is measuring the weight loss. It's not a lot at this point, really it's been worse in the past.

"Anorexia is not something you play with Punk, just because I'm not there doesn't me I don't care. You've lost a lot of weight. Call your therapist, go back into treatment if you need too. Does John know about your history? Is he taking care of you the way I did?" I close my eyes and wonder how such a space lies between us now.

"My life Colt, not yours." I try to pull away again and he pulls me close to his body his arm wrapping around my waist gently. "No one could ever take care of me the way you did" I whisper and then quickly slide from the comfort of his arms. I could easily fall back to him I know this but he wanted freedom and I'm giving him what he wants. I head out to the balcony seeing Ace talking intensely with John and I regret ever giving them a minute alone. Colt is right behind me and I ignore him walking over to John anger coursing through my veins. Anything rational I could have done is out the window when I grab his arm and press my lips to Johns, its far gentler then I met but part of this is just for fucking show. John presses his lips back onto mine for a moment before stepping back and wrapping his arm around my waist again.

"You okay?" I shake my head and look over to Ace he looks slightly guilty and I have to wonder exactly what they were talking about.

"Can we get out of here?" John takes my hand and immediate we are heading to the door, I am in no mood to hear what ace has to announce, or say goodbye, or deal with Colt any longer. Though apparently I have no such luck. Colt is blocking our path and I growl low in my throat.

"Since you are apparently together I hope you know Cena he needs help, he is looking like shit. He needs to go back into treatment." I swear I'm going to snap if Colt doesn't shut up. Ace is trying to pull Colt away, good old Ace always trying to protect us though who he is trying to protect at the moment I am not sure.

"Colt thank you for the kind suggestion, if Punk feels he needs treatment or my help he will let me know. Now if you excuse us we are going to get going." I am so thankful for what seems to be an amazing ability to kiss ass at the moment.

"You know he has a real issue it could kill him, how can you be so passive about it? You do know he is…" I'm not sure what he was going to say because my fist to his jaw seemed to shut him up and everyone else in the room too.

"Shut up" I hiss at him "shut the fuck up, this is no longer your business. You don't get to go around and tell people shit. Stay out of my life, stay the hell away from me. Do you understand me stay away Scott, stay away." Colt is staring with wide eyes it's not like it's the first time we've hit each other but I think it may be the one time I've ever done it in anger. I'm pulling John around Colt and towards the door quickly. "Sorry to ruin your party ace, call me later with your news." I see him give me a small nod, his lips are thin and I'm getting the disappointed look. He'll call alright and chew my ass out.

John is silent alls the way back to my place, when we arrive I really just want to go to bed. Instead I find myself on the couch leaning against John. "Want to tell me what that was all about?" I shake my head, no desire to really. John breathes deeply his fingers running through my hair.

"Colt is my ex" he nods likes that's obvious "there are still some open wounds there." He turns my head and suddenly captures my lips again. This time is so different, at first I'm too startled to respond but then my lips part and he is full on kissing me. His teeth tug at my lip ring, his tongue gently tangle with mine and I am surprised by how good it feels. When he pulls back he gives me the small smile again.

"That's much better for a first kiss" I agree with him and cock my head "figured I'd do that before you got pissed at me, because I have a few questions Punk. Was this whole thing to make Colt jealous? What was Colt talking about? Why would you need treatment or my help?" I tense but find I can't be that angry.

"Not completely to make Colt jealous and I've had a really good evening with you for the most part. I don't want to talk about my past treatment or what it was for, I really don't feel we are close enough for that yet." I think he may be surprised I'm not mad, yet I don't see it in his face. I may not be telling him the complete truth but hell this is our first date.

"Ace asked me to keep an eye on you. Wouldn't tell me why though. I've enjoyed this weekend. With that being said do you want this to become more, or should I assume we are just going to be friends? I do have a wedding to go to next week I could use a date." I swallow and settle against his side thinking about the offer. I'm mad at ace but his intentions were good so I'll get over it after we talk.

"A wedding would your family be there, I don't do well with families. I think it would be interesting to see where this goes. You are a pretty good kisser John." He chuckles and I like the way his chest moves against my back, here like this feels oddly safe, something I've been missing for months now.

"No family, just friends." I nod and he kisses the side of my neck lightly. "Good how about I have my bus pick us up in the morning we could travel together, I'll be a gentlemen I promise. That way I can keep my word and keep an eye on you." I chuckle but find myself nodding, I have no clue why I am agreeing to any of this, or why I'm not angrier. I think maybe I've become numb, and that for me can be scary. I become comfortable with numb and end up places I don't want to be.

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><p>Thank you for reading, please, please, please review! To those who did last chapter, thank you a million times. Cena and Punk are new territory to me but I am enjoying this duo so far.<p> 


	3. Bring the Rain

After John goes to bed I sit up and stare out at the city, biting at my lip I pull my phone out and stare at the screen. I have a few texts from some of the people at the party but nothing from the one person I want to hear from. I decide to call Ace find out what is going on, what the hell his big announcement is. I listen to the phone ring and here his gruff voice fill the line. "Punkers I miss you come back to the party." Rolling my eyes I force a chuckle.

"No thanks Ace, so what's going on why the party in the first place?" I can still hear the guests in the background, its late but a party that Ace throws could go on for a few days depending on the level of alcohol flowing.

"I am getting married!" I pause and try to figure out to who, last I knew there were a few options guys and girls both. Hell some of them I am pretty sure just date Ace to get close to me, too many of his companions have hit on me for it to be a coincidence.

"Hero of course, who else would I propose to." I blink and stare down at my phone sure Ace is far drunker then I am aware of and making things up. I mean I know him and Hero had an on again off again type of affair but nothing serious. "I am so in love and actually thought he would turn me down. I made the man cry when I propose I'm that damn good. We are going to settle down, maybe adopt a few kids. Well say something!"

"Congrats Ace, I am happy for you. I didn't know things had gotten that serious with Chris." I feel an almost sick feeling wash over me, how many times had Colt suggested marriage, adoption, hell using a surrogate, I had turned him down every time. If I hadn't would we still be together? Would we be getting the happy ending?

"It's gotten serious in the last few months, decided it was time to stop sleeping around so Chris decided it was time to actually be real with each other. He scared me at first but now couldn't imagine a future without him." I take a deep breath and try to put cheer into my voice.

"That's awesome Ace, so glad for the two of you tell Hero I said congrats. When's the wedding?"

"Not sure yet, we are working on a date. You'll be my best man of course. You can bring Cena as your date that is if you are going to keep seeing him, and are still together by then." I glance down the hall towards the spare bed room and wonder if he'll stick around when he learns how fucked up I really am.

"Of course best man duty awesome, John and I are still new so who knows what will happen by then. Why the hell did you ask him to keep an eye on me? What did you say to him?" There is a silence and I hear the noise in the background fade.

"I asked him to make sure you were alright, you've been disconnected lately and I can't travel with you but he is around you all the time. I didn't do it as a couple thing, but more as a friend. I questioned why he was here tonight and what he wanted from you. I have to protect you Punk its been a while since you dated. Sorry if I cross the line." I can here in his voice that he is not sorry in the least but I chose to ignore it and accept his apology at face value. "You look like shit Punk, are you taking care of yourself? You look way too thin." I lick my lip and sigh I know I'm struggling but I really don't want to talk about it.

"I'm okay Ace, if something was really wrong I would ask you for help. What the hell was up with Colt tonight, he is not allowed to go around and say shit to people." Ace sighs and I can almost picture him sitting down for a long talk. I decide it's pointless and he has a party and should be celebrating his ass off. "Never mind I'll just ask Colt."

"Thought you blocked him from your phone." I wonder how he knows this unless Colts tried calling and bitched when he couldn't get through.

"I can unblock him I still have his number." I may have actually unblocked him a few hours ago in hopes he would call before the party.

"Do that Punkers, you two need to talk. Have a good night love ya kid." I shake my head, he knows I'm rolling my eyes at him.

"Goodnight old man, don't party too hard." With that I hang up the phone and wonder if I am really going to call Colt. Instead I end up texting the man. _What the hell was that tonight?_ I only have to wait a few seconds before Colt responds to me.

_Nothing, leave it alone, I see I've been unblocked for you to yell at me. - Bana_

_It wasn't nothing and I am not yelling, but you have no right to tell my shit to people._

_John is your date, shouldn't he know the hell you'll put him through, the pain, the worry, the fear, that in the end just gets thrown in his face. - Bana_

_John is a friend, that doesn't mean he gets to know everything Cabana. I never threw it in your face. I've apologized for the past what more do you want?_

_Everyday Punk, every fucking day you threw it my face. That I loved you more then you loved yourself. You only got better for me, you were only living for me. You resented that I saved your life. It doesn't matter though your right it's the past I apologize for trying to warn John. Anything else you want?- Bana_ I am honestly unsure how to respond to this, I wipe at my eyes feeling the burning, I know he is probably right on some levels but wrong on so many more. I wish I could explain it to him but I've never been able to find the words.

_No, guess that's it. Sorry I hit you, sorry I inconvenienced your life, sorry I loved you, and sorry you ever showed me how to love myself. Have a nice life Cabana, I'll stop making you so miserable._ I turn off my phone uninterested in his response, I could block him again but I really don't want to part of me is hoping he'll come back, and part of me is hoping we could still be friends like he said.

I sit at the window staring into the city for some time, wondering how and where everything went wrong. Also wondering how I ended up with Cena in my guest room asleep, traveling with him for the week, and also kissing him. Kissing him and it not be horrible, hell kissing him and enjoying it. Though mostly I think about Colt and wonder if we could really be just friends. If it was even possible for that relationship to exist with all that is left lying between us. It seems like a vast canyon of memories we would have to overcome to make the friends thing work. I wonder if I am strong enough to actually walk down that road.

I end up turning my phone back on a few hours later and sending out one last text to Colt. _I am sorry for that last text, I tend to speak before I think. Friends? Want to get coffee sometime? _I know it is wait too late to get a reply so I stand and stretch out sore muscles, I'm in pain constantly at the present, need to get checked out by the docs, maybe request a few weeks off. Who am I kidding the docs will push pain killers on me and time off is not something I will be granted. I shake my head and go into the kitchen opening the fridge I stare at the empty shelves, without Colt living here I am never home enough to actually care about stocking the damn thing. Right now it holds bottle of Pepsi, energy drinks, and some suspicious looking takeout containers. I grab a Pepsi and start pulling open the cupboards, these are at least a little more stocked thanks to Colt. I search trying to find something that would appeal to me, I know I need to eat. Hell I've known this for a while but nothing appeals to me, there never seems to be time, and really why bother?

I am reaching for a box of saltines when I hear the soft clearing of a throat behind me. A small smile spreads over my lips and for a moment I am taken back in time, I shake it off quickly and turn. I take the coffee his hand holds out to me, following him out to the balcony glad he chooses here I wouldn't want to wake John. He pulls out a bagel and offers me half, I take it ignoring the shaking of my hand. "Should I give you back my key?"

"Why?" Colt shrugs and I settle back into the cushion wondering what I should say now. I pull off small pieces of the bagel rolling them in my fingers, very few end up in my mouth and I can feel Colt's eyes watching me. "I miss you. I'm not sure I know how to be your friend." There I said it.

"I miss you too, and we will figure it out as we go along. This is a good start." I nod and take a deep breath.

"I'm relapsing…" I know that the other part of this sentence should be that I need help but I honestly don't think I want it yet.

"I know, it's kind of obvious you look like crap, and I don't mean from being tired or over working. It's the drastic weight loss that I know you don't see but everyone who is paying attention does." I honestly don't understand what he means, I take my fingers and wrap them around my wrist, it doesn't feel any different to me, still not as thin as I think it should be. "I know Punk, you won't see it. You are too stubborn." I shrug and go back to shredding my bagel. Wondering exactly what friends talk about in the middle of the night over coffee and bagels.

"How are your parents?" There it's safe, it's not how are you, are you dating, why did you crush my heart into tiny little pieces.

"They are good Punk, they miss you. It's okay for you to still talk to them. They consider you family. They love you."

"You did too at one time." I know I shouldn't have said that but why would Colt's family want me in their lives when Colt doesn't want me in his. "Sorry," I mutter "it's going to take time." I see his small nod and take a sip from my coffee.

"Punk you go through life like a rolling fire, never caring what's in your path, burning everything that you touch. I did my best to put out the fire for so long, tried to contain it but I couldn't and in the end it was just hurting us. That doesn't mean I don't love you, it doesn't mean I could ever stop. It just means we are not good together, life can't always be about love and war." I close my eyes, knowing what he means but at the same time hating him for saying he still loves me it would be easier if he hated me.

"A love like ours never dies Colt, it lives forever. You can tell yourself walking away from this was for the best but both of us know that you'll regret this. Maybe not today but you will, because life is about love and war it's all a balancing act. When you figure out that you were wrong it may just be too late." I say this looking into the house thinking of John, not sure where this is going but it could be somewhere good who knows. "How's work? The podcast? Did you fall in love with someone else?" I've been wondering this, it would make sense one day we are fine and the next he is gone, and maybe there was somebody else.

"Work is good, doing some good podcasts, there has never been anyone else Punk. I've never cheated on you. Where is John tonight?" I nod towards the house and see him glare inside.

"Asleep as far as I know, in the guest room. We are not sleeping together yet Colt." I don't know why I feel the need to clarify this to him but I do. "Still seeing where all of this is going, gonna travel with him this week find out if there is even something here." Colt chuckles and I glance up to his face almost swearing I see a flash of jealousy.

"Don't worry Punk there has always been something between you two, why do you think I hated him. I should go, its late we both need to sleep. We should do this again sometime." I watch as he stands, he hesitates and then is leaning down over me. "I already regret it Punk, the moment I said we were done I regretted it but it changes nothing. I hate that your parents taught you life is nothing but a war. It's not, take better care of yourself, tell John so he can help. When you're ready I'll be glad to help." His lips brush mine and then he is gone, if it weren't for the cold coffee and small pieces of bagel littering the balcony I would think I'd dreamed him being here. My lips still tingle from the smallest of kisses and I blink back tears how can we be friends when I completely come undone after one conversation? How can any of this fucking work?

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><p>Thank you for reading, please, please, please review! To those who did last chapter, thank you a million times. Cena and Punk are new territory to me but I am enjoying this duo so far.<p> 


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